Tips to Manage Conflict

Conflict is inevitable, whether it’s with a coworker, friend, or partner. The good news? Handling it doesn’t have to be painful or stressful. In fact, conflict can often serve as an opportunity for deeper understanding and growth in any relationship. Whether by necessity, or love, there are simple steps we can try to encourage that growth.

Here are some ideas to handle conflict gracefully, with empathy, and without letting it escalate.

Start With Active Listening

One of the most effective ways to handle conflict is by practicing active listening. This means really tuning in to the other person’s point of view without interrupting or preparing your counterargument while they’re speaking.

Active listening isn’t just about hearing the words—it’s about understanding the emotions and intentions behind them. Studies show that people feel more connected when they’re genuinely listened to, which can de-escalate tension and build rapport (National Institutes of Health, 2021).

Active listening is absorbing what the other person is saying and listening to understand what they are saying - not listening to prepare a response.

Remind Yourself: Don’t Take It Personally

When conflict arises, it’s easy to feel attacked or assume the other person’s criticism is a reflection of our worth. But in reality, most conflicts start about the issue at hand, not about you as a person. Remind yourself to not take things personally will help keep emotions in check, making it easier to respond calmly and rationally.

Psychologists remind us that separating ourselves from a problem is essential for healthy conflict resolution (NIH, 2021). It helps you focus on solving the issue rather than defending yourself and losing sight of resolution.

Understand Conflict Styles: Some Need Time, Others Need to Talk

It’s important to recognize that people have different styles of dealing with conflict. Some might need time to process and cool down, preferring to avoid the conversation until they’ve gathered their thoughts. Others, however, may feel compelled to resolve the issue immediately, seeking out communication right away, in order to resolve and let the conflict go.

Neither approach is wrong but a conflict with two people with these differing approaches can lead to misunderstanding, defensiveness, and resentment. For example, the person who wants time may appear “avoidant”, while the one who wants to talk right away might come across as “combative”. Being able to identify our own style and the style of who we are communicating with will keep the focus on resolution.

If you’re on either side of this dynamic, communicate your needs clearly. Say something like, “I need a bit of space to process this” or “Can we talk now while it’s fresh?” That way, both people can understand the other’s needs without escalating the conflict.

Take a Step Back—Literally

In the heat of conflict, it’s tempting to react right away. But emotional reactivity can often fuel the fire of conflict. Taking a pause, even if just for a few seconds, gives your brain time to shift from “fight or flight” mode into a problem-solving space.

Research shows that taking a break during heated moments can lower stress and help people re-approach a conflict more calmly (Gottman, 2019). Whether it’s stepping out of the room or counting to ten, giving yourself a buffer that can make a difference.

Express Empathy, Even If You Disagree

You don’t have to agree with the other person to show empathy. Acknowledging their feelings and perspectives—without necessarily endorsing them—creates an environment where both sides feel respected. Phrases like “I understand why you feel that way” or “That sounds really tough” go a long way in diffusing hostility.

Psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized that empathy fosters connection and builds trust, which is essential for resolving conflicts in a healthy way (Rogers, 1951).

Look for Compromise, Not Victory

If you approach a conflict with the goal of “winning,” the chances are you’re both going to lose. Instead, shift your mindset to look for compromise. Ask yourself, “What can we both give here to move forward?” or “What would be a reasonable solution for both of us?”

Conflict resolution experts suggest that finding middle ground allows both parties to feel heard and valued, reducing the likelihood of future conflicts (Ting-Toomey, 2017). This is especially helpful in relationships, where finding balance is key to long-term harmony.

Know When to Call for Backup

Sometimes, conflicts go beyond what we can handle on our own. And that’s okay! Whether it’s conflict at work, in a friendship, or within a romantic relationship, reaching out to a neutral third party, like a coach or therapist, can offer fresh insights and tools to help navigate difficult conversations.

If you’re finding it tough to resolve conflict in your relationships—whether personal or professional—don’t hesitate to reach out. Every situation is unique, and sometimes a bit of guidance can make all the difference. Feel free to reach out for personalized support.

Learn More…

• National Institutes of Health. (2021). Active listening and conflict resolution in interpersonal relationships.

• Gottman, J. (2019). The role of emotional regulation in conflict resolution.

• Rogers, C. (1951). Client-Centered Therapy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

• Ting-Toomey, S. (2017). Communicating Across Cultures. Guilford Press.